Back at it

 When you realize your younger self couldn't be more proud of you. But everything you have ever done is either wrong or don't mean all that much because a simple POV in one subject will literally turn your life apart and upside down.

You have experienced a new darker passenger that you have never imagined before. What before was just boredom and lack of direction, now is a beaten path with three outcomes: death, suffering, and hopeless hope. And by far, it is the worst feeling experienced. 

Even though everything looks like a dream, your surroundings are your worst nightmare. All you can see and touch, all that you worked to achieve shouldn't even be here, because you shouldn't be here in the first place. But now that you are here you need to leave because you shouldn't be here in the first place. Even the custom keyboard you are typing on. You shouldn't even have a mechanical keyboard in the first place.

Sleeping aid is useless. 20 years later and  I'm back at it. Same thoughts, different aspects, a hole that is deeper and darker than anything you could ever imagine. You are not ruining just your life now, you are running the life of all around you. Sleepless, dumbness, reactionless. With the weight of two or three human beings on your shoulder, a generation that could get screwed depending on who will lose the fight on who is more selfish.

If I am like that and if my kids get more of they gray matter side of the genes, they will probably end up even worse due to the disorder they will face. I just hope that girls cope better than boys.

By the pool

Saturday. Morning. Chilling at the pool. Am I getting in? I don't know, it's not that hot although it's sunny. Some wind and a palm tree by the pool. We can see some palm leaves floating in the pool. Two plastic laying down chairs, with 2 pairs of flip flops close to them . Surf shorts, colored towels and she is wearing a bikini. Cool sun glasses. Feeling calm, chill. She has the right fit, in terms of emotion, attitude, as a person and body. Her tone calms me down, helps to relax and gives that 'I don't wanna leave' feeling. Her toe nails are painted white or another light color. She is tanned, but just a little. I feel a sweet scent, probably her lotion. Some music is playing, I can't remember the name of the song, but it fits very well in this moment. There is nothing to worry about, nothing. Is time passing by slowly? That leaf took 3 minutes to reach the ground after it fell out of that tree. Well, I guess this morning will never end, we will just stay here.

The Journalist - Getting back up again

Ok, so the title of this blog is "Never Down and Out". I was out, and yes longer than one year. So sorry computer, let's get back up again.

I just gave a quick look thru all my posts and something called my attention.
"Never Down and Out" comes from a song played by a band called "The Academy is". But hey, look:  the funny thing is that the chords for this song go like this, "always up and down, never down and out!". You can easily see how I was oscillating between up and down in posts the last years. There were some days that I was up, so I wrote positive things. Other days I was a little blue, so down and sad/desesperate things came out of my fingertips.

Before further due, let's get down to it. (not down-down, it's just a expression, ok? this is a up post by the way).

Today I met a Journalist. And she is the responsible that I'm here, writing this post . Of course this person is a she, what do you think? This girl writing is so amazing that made me wanna write some things on my own. I don't have anything specific to write -so this post will probably end in the next 30 letters - but I just felt like writing again, and here I am.

I'll keep you posted on how things are going,
Regards,

Gabriel

o custo

finasterida,
amonixidil,
isotretinoina,
aparelho fixo,
resina,
peeling,
maltodextrina,
bcaa,
whey protein,

e a lista deve aumentar com o passar do tempo.

Eu já postei a letra da música do título do blog?
Acho que ainda não... Ou já?
Eles são de Wheeling, IL. 15 minutos de Glenview, onde eu morei. Sempre colocava The Academy Is quando eu ia pro Hawthorn ou pro Gurnee Mills. Yeah, I did a lot shopping there.
Here it goes...


Always up or down, never down and out.
Dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak.
Speak now or forever hold your peace in pieces.

Now that I'm grown I've seen marriages fall to pieces.
Now that I'm grown I've seen friendships fall to pieces.
Weekend warriors, and our best friends.
The writers weren't kidding about how all good things must end.
Then again some things, then again some things are far too good,
Some things are far too good to go ahead and let go.






True dude. True story

Facebook just asked me: what's in my mind?
 I'll answer then:
"Breaking new ground". It's always awesome.
It can be learning a new skateboard trick, a new song on the guitar, or getting to know someone you know you  will like a lot.

violins...

You bring out the worst in me, anxiety, anxiety